Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Losing Mia

I was asked to write about our adoption loss ‘Losing Mia’ for Trinity Heart and it dawn on me that this week 8 years ago on 8 June 2004 little Mia was born. 8 years since she’s absent from our lives. I’m wondering how she’s doing, is she happy? Is she save, is she loved? How the decisions made for her at birth affected her, how did it changed her life? What path will her life take? I need to find peace and I think to write openly about my loss is the final chapter. I kept my emotions and feelings hidden for a long time. I still misses Mia, I still think of her, she is not dead to me sadly she is lost to me forever.

I was very naïve about the whole adoption path and had a childlike faith in Mia’s birth mom, I trusted her blindly, and felt empathy for all of her stories, If I can give any potential adoptive parents some advice that goes an Open Adoption decision, work with your social worker and not with the birth mom. Trust your social worker, if you don’t trust your social worker, find another social worker. Also remember: if the BM wants to place her baby with you she will do it without any demands. If she is ready to place her child with you she will do it.

We found an AMAZING social worker and agency that restored our trust in Adoption and that helped us trough the whole process. She guide and Nurture our fears and soothe our nerves. And today we are proud parents of 2 beautiful, bright, intelligent little boys. I love them with all my heart!

Thank you again R and C for choosing our profile, thank you for entrusting us with your babies, thank you for your love towards them for not terminate them, thank you for thinking clearly about their future's. I know you also feel loss, pain, grief and guilt. I know now a broken heart never goes away. That feeling of lost always lingers.

Also I want to thank my mom. When the 60 day’s could not be confirmed when Mia was with us I couldn’t get adoption leave and my mom was looking after Mia, she also bonded with her and she also felt the loss that I felt. She also cuddled, kissed and loved her. Thank you mom, for being there for me and helping me still today with my boys.

I’m a lot stronger than I used to be, I know now I can overcome any tragedy, there is always tomorrow that will bring another miracle in my life.

5 comments:

Donna L Martin said...

Hello,

I just randomly came across your blog and was touched by your story "Losing Mia". I am sorry for your loss. This pain you feel is as real as if it were your own biological child you have lost and what a lovely tribute you have written for all the parents out there who may have struggled at some time with their own adoption process.

I can tell you have a kind heart and a strong spirit. You would have made a fabulous mother for little Mia...

Sincerely,

Donna L Martin
www.donasdays.blogspot.com

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